Interrupted

cropped love to infinityI was out to brunch with a friend the other day. We were talking about something I felt to be important. My friend had just shared and I was responding with my thoughts. In the middle of my sentence my friend said, “Oh my gosh, wait a minute. I just figured out what to do with blah, blah, blah,” a subject totally off topic.

Hurt and feelings of not being respected or cared for rushed over me. I emotionally withdrew immediately, as if I had touched a hot stove.

My friend quickly apologized profusely. It took me a minute or two, but I worked my way back to open hearted again. I was happy because this has been an “issue” for me in the past. Getting my feelings hurt after being interrupted and taking a while to recover have both been recurring themes. It’s all wrapped up in worthiness.

What happened differently this time is that I recently read about Byron Katie’s “The Work.” I asked myself if it was true that my friend interrupting me was a sign of her not caring, not respecting, and not loving me. No, I couldn’t say that any of that was true. The next internal question was, how do I feel and act when I believe it’s true. Well that was evident, and it felt like crap. How would I feel if I didn’t believe that junk? I’d just let it slide, comfortable in my worth and knowing that I’ve done the exact thing to others and it wasn’t necessarily because I didn’t care or wasn’t listening.

This all helped to shift perspective, but the clincher was that I then emotionally went to a place where I remembered how loved I am by the Universe. There is so much love out there for each of us, simply because we exist. I don’t need to get wrapped up in whether or not someone’s actions step on my toes and hurt my feelings. Now granted, this was a minor issue. It wasn’t like she beat me or something, but it was a baby step forward in feeling how beloved we all are and the Divine Nature that resides in us all. And for that, I am so grateful.

© Copyright 2014. Blessed Journey Blog. All Rights Reserved.

Who I Am In Life

2014-01-09 16.25.59“…the life I am living is not the same as the life that wants to live in me….I sometimes catch a glimpse of my true life, a life hidden like the river beneath the ice. And…I wonder: What am I meant to do? Who am I meant to be?” (Parker Palmer, Let Your Life Speak, p. 2)

My son will start his senior year in high school in the fall and lots of well-meaning adults will ask him and his friends, “What do you want to do when you grow up? What do you want to be?” My son and his friends think, “How should I know.”

I commiserate with his stress over these questions. At my age, I am still pondering them. I keep searching for my Truth, my Path.

As Parker asks, “Who am I meant to be?” Does this feel like a struggle because we are trying to figure these big questions out while living life: doing laundry, living, food shopping, praying, loving, hurting, getting confused and clear again? Or, could it also be that on this holy journey we (God and I) keep peeling back the layers of ourselves, revealing a new me each time, one that will again try to figure out what the Truth is.

There have been times in my life when I knew I was doing what I was supposed to do at that moment in time. I didn’t suppose that this was IT, as if that was what I was supposed to do until my last breath. So there has been wiggle room, space to pray and ponder and wonder. What’s next? At times there’s a restlessness that comes over me and I know, change is coming. “Show me, God. What am I to do next?”

I heard a talk the other day and the speaker asked several probing questions:

What are you most afraid of?

What would you do if fear was NOT a factor?

What would you do if you only had a year to live?

I’d add:

What gives you the most joy?

What gets you really excited?

When are you most passionate?

What comes to you in prayer?

If we follow that and know that we are given what we need to know, we’ll be on our way, whether we realize it or not!

Blessings on the journey and here’s to a little more clarity!

 

© Copyright 2014. Blessed Journey Blog. All Rights Reserved.