There was a time, actually, there have been many times, when I knew where I wanted to go, but I could not figure out how to get there. I’m stuck. I’m guessing maybe you’ve been there at some point too. I suspect it’s a human predicament.
My go-to response is to push myself harder, to try to do more. This can work in the short-term with physical tasks or sometimes even an activity (like bust out all the stops because my family member has an art opening and we just need to get it all done.) What usually happens is I eventually just end up exhausted, showing physical wear and tear, and feeling crummy.
At that point I know I need to do things differently. I’ve tried everything I can reason my way into. I need to get out of my head.
One practice I’ve used when I’m blocked is spiritual free-association writing. I just sit at my laptop, eyes closed, and type what comes.
Here’s the dialog from one of these sessions.
Me: Okay, God, what am I doing wrong? What do I need to do? I am just not seeing the results I want. What should I do next?
Answer: Just rest. You don’t have to jump through hoops to be on your path or to be with me. You just need to be comfortable in your own skin.
Me: What about the victim piece of feeling like I can only be so successful because the “powers that be” are in charge?
Answer: I know it doesn’t make sense. If life was about achievement, then only the most capable would be happy, would win. This life is not about winning. Life is about finding beauty, happiness, and peace.
Me: So I don’t have to try harder?
Me: What about showing you I’m serious and putting in my “earnest money”?
Answer: Do you think I don’t know your heart? You don’t have to prove anything for me. You only have to do that for yourself. To prove to yourself that you are serious. I know you. I know you from the seed of who you are.
Me: So what is holding back the veil or holding it closed? How can I walk through the veil to the life I long for?
Answer: Just stop doing. BE and it will show up. When you stop racing around trying so hard to be good enough, you will sit down in the place just right and realize you are good enough. You are amazing. You are just where you need to be. Doing what you need to be doing.
Me: How do I live into this?
Answer: By stopping all your efforts to begin with. Just let go. Do one thing at a time. You’ve done a lot of hard work trying so hard to be better. You are wonderful, amazing, and healthy. You are shining. Just live into where you are. No more effort. You don’t have to be self-sacrificial to be better. When you think of successful people, they are just being.
Me: Is there more?
Answer: Yes, there is more. Shut off the nags in your head. Remember I love you and I shift the sands you are standing on so you’ll stop doing what you are holding tightly onto. Let it go. Drop it like a hot potato. You know the Zone. When you are being your true self, you are there.
Me: Thank you, God.
Answer: You are welcome, dearest.
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