As a high-energy, firstborn, Capricorn, first-generation American with that immigrant mentality of working hard and growing up with a solid dose of the good ol’ Protestant work ethic, I have struggled with shifting from Doing to Being. To allowing things to take their natural course of fruition instead of feeling like I need to work harder to make things happen.
There are so many metaphors out there of how we destroy the very thing we are trying to grow by forcing it. For example,
the metaphor of blowing on the butterfly’s wings as it’s emerging from the chrysalis and killing it in the process.
Or, as is evident in one of my friends who has her own business. She has been wondering why she’s not getting more traction when she works six days a week, 18 hours a day. It’s clear to everyone around her that if she just relaxed a bit, she’d get better results, but she just keeps pushing on.
Years ago, when I was a parent educator, we talked about how it was important not to give something for your child to fight against, to push against. Allowing things to unfold as they naturally will has more power, time and again.
So, then I arrived at a crossroads in my life’s work, wondering, where is this going to take me? My knee-jerk response was to quick, do something!! But I was not so easily tricked this time! Instead of rushing off to “make something,” I stopped to listen. I went inward and did all those super-ninja spiritual and personal development tricks I teach all the time. I meditated, journaled, and relaxed into a season of quiet where I listened deeply.
There were times I felt lost in that Quiet, when I thought, “What the hell am I doing?” But gently, I would turn like the tide and rest in knowing I was just where I was supposed to be.
The one thing I did was stick like Gorilla Glue to my spiritual practices. I did not get out of bed before I did my affirmations, read my books, meditated, and journaled. And, I did not touch my phone or computer before I finished all of the above. I felt like I just needed to be on my side, like a dear friend would be. Cheering for me, consistently doing those little things that mean so much. When I felt scared or down, I would listen to or read inspirational material that I knew would get me back on track. You can’t will yourself to be positive. “I’m going to be happy dammit!” It has to be an inside job.
I listened to music that was positive, spent time outside, wrote lists of what I was grateful for. Anything I could get my hands on to keep me joyful.
And when I would feel the constriction of wory, like the metaphor for when we are meditating and we get Monkey-Brain, we are instructed to allow those thoughts to pass by as if we are on the river bank watching the occasional boat move by. “Goodbye thought, thanks for passing through.”
I knew my positive outlook, my trusting that it will all work out for the best, was what was going to be my path to the breakthrough.
This called for a level of trust deeper than what I have beckoned to before. During this season of rest and rejuvenation, I surfaced with pearls.
I came to understand my worthiness at a whole new level and an ability to feel secure in it. If I am worthy to give to others, and they are worthy and enjoy receiving from me, it is a short step to me being worthy. I could make that step.
I came to a new understanding of vulnerability and that I don’t need to feel vulnerable unless I am giving my power away to someone. Nope, not going to give away my power. I can be honest, loving, and wide open, but it’s fear that makes us vulnerable. I realized I could stay on the positive side of that equation: deep sharing without fear. This also calls me to a deeper level of honesty, with myself and others with whom I’m in relationship.
And, speaking of relationships, just like the de-clutter movement that says you should look at your possessions and ask if it brings you joy, well, I think that is a version of what we can do with our relationships too. Is this relationship bringing me joy? Now, I’m not saying we can be all joy all the time, but if there is a relationship that drains me and drags me down, or has no value, I have to ask myself, why? Why am I sticking around?
I learned to trust God/Spirit/the Universe at a new level (yet again! Geez!) And, as a recovering people-pleaser and Doer, I am learning what My Desires are and how to live into them. Not bad work! Of course, these issues have been bubbling below the surface for years, and like water’s affect on rocks, the layers are being swept away and the Truth is surfacing.
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